Adele

"So I won't let you close enough to hurt me no I won't ask you, you to just desert me, I can't give you the heart you think you gave me, It's time to say goodbye to turning tables."

So these lyrics by Adele have really been something, and I'm loving the song right now, so much so I learnt it on piano and started singing it, and I choreographed my own contemporary dance to it. Yeah who knew I could do contemporary dancing, but hey, hidden talents? haha.

Anyways I've been trying to discover exactly what these lyrics mean to me, my guess is that Adele wrote it in regards to a male:female relationship, and she's saying she's sick of changing and turning and twisting for this guy she's had a relationship and now it's over. I think in my life that these lyrics have resounded to me so much because I guess I've become so strong hearted about the fact that I don't want to let anyone but me run my life anymore. People's opinion's and ways have seemed to lately been able to sway me to certain decisions or affect me to feel a certain way. It also applies in that no longer will I let people who don't seem to want to be present in my life be present. If they leave they leave, I will try and push but it's like sometimes there's only so much we can do, we can only push so much, if people want to leave I'll let them leave, who am I to stop anyone.

In my life the only thing I have never had is consistency, I've never had someone around constantly and strongly consistent for more than 2 years or so, and I think being in a relationship with a guy where it has been so consistent and strong for a year and bit is so different yet so relieving and just such an amazing feeling!! But then there's 2 sides, I'm unable to share the joy with others because of judgments and opinions. But why should it matter, and that's why again these lyrics have stuck to me, I'm not going to fuss over what other people think anymore.

I'm set out to find consistency in my life, God is that consistency, he is always there and always waiting for us with arms wide open, and he'll never leave us or forsake us for any reason what so ever, so find peace comfort and love in our heavenly father!

Peace and love :) <3
tchan.

dance dance

So I went digging the other day and look what I pulled up...

Back in the days of dancin' from Tabitha Chan on Vimeo.

Hahaha it's the best!! Couldn't stop laughing!!!


Anyways the day:

Again pretty lonely at work just myself and Hannah in the office but she was out a lot taking classes. Did a lot of written up paper stuff and admin work. Oh well, it was a Friday, just glad the weekend's here. Aunty picked me up with my 2 gorgeous cousins and we went to doncaster to pick a frame for my grandparents 50th anniversary :):) hehe yay!

Then went over for dinner (noodles :)) and had youth, only had about 6 of my girls there tonight but it was still such an awesome night. Rodwell spoke about David, and it really spoke to me. With this whole AFL traineeship going on it just amazes me when I look back at my ENTER or ATAR score and how... you could say.. badly I did, I look now and what great things God has done with my life, and not even needing the score and how insignificant it is and how much greater and more powerful God is, and through him I can achieve anything, and who know where my passion for sport and teaching will lead me!! It's a great and amazing feeling!!

So anyways after youth popped over to safeway with Bek and Miranda grabbed a few nibblies and headed over to Kathy's, well Kathy's house sitting house.. if that makes sense haha. We (Kathy, Miranda, Bek, Jenny, Jordan, Natten, Nate, Brad and I) chilled and watched Tangled... GOOOOOOOOOD MOVIE!!! haha and I just got back home not long ago!! So tired!! Going to hit the sheets once I've finished this post, gotta get some sleep for tomorrow is SEMI FINAL day and we're team 4 out of 8 on the ladder versing the TOP team yikes!! Seriously I hope we win because this is my very last and final season in juniors! argh!!! anyways it all ties in.. With God's strength we/I can do anything!!!!

I'll update on the tennis results tomorrow but for now I'm off to dream land :) Night all!

tchan.

Drops of... birthday surprise!

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

New project: Learn it on the PIANO :) hehe yay! such a cute song, I listened to the Boyce version as well but I think I'll stick to the Train version, I like his better for some odd reason. So learning piano and the geeee-tar :) fun fun :)

So pretty lonely day today. Was down in the LHC offices by myself.. that's the PE office haha. But it was a productive day and I got a whole heap done so I guess thats a pro/positive.

Cousins are down from Sydney today wooppeeee :) they're so gorgeous love them :):)
So they're down for my grandparents 50th anniversary!! That's heaps long!!

How's draw something going you say? Yeah good hahaa.. I think I'm playing to much and I think I should study but then I think.. wait no.. I don't have to study XD hehe win win win for Tabbs :)

Signing out for now but will update later tonight!!! Still a sick girl at the moment boo :( (n) not good at all but hopefully I'll get my voice back tomorrow!! Took a class today period 4 and made me lose my voice even more boo!! :(

Oh oh oh I did think of another positive, I got Kathy's 19th birthday present alreadyy hahaa badabing badaboom! XD XD cha ching hahaha its epic!! maybe I shouldnt say this on here coz she's probably reading this but oh well.. i wont tell no one what it is and she wont get it out of me XD tehe! It's seriously the awesomest awesomeness idea everrrrrr XD

teechan.

Long time no..type?

Yeah so I think I totally forgot about my blog.. oops, but I don't know decided to write again. Whether its detail or blunt.. we'll see how it all goes.

So.. frustrations:
-immediate family & their opinions and their inflexibility and understanding (including getting a car, youth work, work work)
-no car now even though im working fulltime!
-my emotions
-other people's immature behavior

Thankfulness or happy thoughts:
-cousins coming to melbourne tomorrow :)
-some of my maturer friends
-BRADLEY LIM (he's pretty amazing)
-having a job


I don't know life is pretty topsy turvy at the moment and currently and honestly I'm in this place where I love God and I know he's there we just don't have the strongest most full on relationship going round town, and to be honest when I look at it it's a good and bad thing. Good in that when it's FULL ON i tend to lose the consistency I have with God and I forget he's there. Bad because I feel like I need to have him closer to me or something along those lines... I'm just not sure, and it's a scary thing to admit.

So daily routine today
I'm sick. :( boo! Cold, cough, fever.. YAY! Went to the pools to see the sion girls off for swimming for an hour then went home and fell and I mean LITERALLY FELL into my bed.. oh the joys of being sick. Then went to visit bradlin and we chilled and watched chuck.. and modern family oh and icarly :) yay nickelodeon.. haha oh the childhood memories when I had foxtel.. well it was called optus tv something but same thing.

Headed off to the Gerrand's to drop miranda's things and stayed for a bit to watch jenny and miranda make cupcakes, quite entertaining actually and got good footage from it and made a 10 minute clip haha! fun times! Then headed home and been lazy on my but since playing draw something and making the video.. yes life's 'peaking'

Spirtitual walk:
Lately I've felt the devil attacking me, in a really weird way.. like making me sorta act in a bad way towards people. It sounds stupid and sounds ridiculous but I was sitting in the car today and something clicked, I can't really explain it nor do I feel 100% comfortable doing so, but lately I've been a little bitter, not infront of people's faces but more behind, but then I think, 'I don't care what people think of me' .. which to a large extent is true but it doesn't mean I have to be mean... hmm yeah thought of the day. are you really who you say you are?

I'm in a stage of sorryness and apologies. I think I've made like 3 big apology speeches this week to 3 different people about 3 different issues, whether it meant anything to them who knows??.. not me that's for sure. But only time will tell I guess, and I guess it's my fault for putting myself in this position.. who to blame but myself.. which is what I've been doing a lot lately.. Anyways off to finish off some of my draw something games!! CIAO!


HONESTY IS THE WAY TO GO :)

teechan.

A messy room

So anyone have a messy room? Yeah well I can answer to this.. yes I do.
My room is 95% of the time messy. There's so much stuff I keep and I know i everyday I spent 5 minutes just tidying a little after using stuff it would never get super messy, but sometimes or most of the time I get lazy and I just leave stuff there and leave it for the next day. But then tomorrow becomes another tomorrow and another tomorrow becomes another one!! And eventually after months of my floor being covered with my things I will take time to clean it because my mum or dad forces me to, except it takes a number of hours to do so!!!

This can very easily relate to our lives, a lot of the time we can put off God, we can think, oh I'm to tired today I think I'll talk to God tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes weeks. And sometimes we can put off God during our weeks and only look to him when we're at church or when we're going through a tough time. It can often seem like we want to take the easy way, do whatever we feel like now, chill, and just go with the flow and deal with consequences later but that is not at all what God has planned for us. He's wants us to here him now, listen to him, follow him, because his greater plan starts right now!!

So as I've written this I've decided I'm going to go clean my room ahaha and not become like this...

General days

Yeah well this is a average post from an average girl on an average bunch of days...
Hmm well yesterday such a lazy lazy day haha. So went to school first 2 periods.. psychology.. what did we do?... watch 50 first dates ahah woo!! looking at short term memory from last term woop fun fun hehehe :)
Then had health and I just did nothing. I hate health lol. it is the most dull and boring subject I have ever done!... you know sometimes I think in the way I have been doing at school I am really not going to get into the PE course I want to do.. although there are 3 I can get into.. I want to get into RMIT PE or Deakin PE but RMIT requires me to do 2 of PE, bio, physics, chem, methods or spesh.. but im only doing one of them which is PE.. and then Deakin their enter is 84 to get in.. or it normally has been around there.. if I get there wow it will be sooo lucky coz I doubt I'm going to get anything in the 80's but we'll see how I go.. but then there's vic uni in footscray which is alright and I guess after 1 year or half a year at which ever uni I get into I can always transfer.. although next year i want to take a year off. but i can tell my parents realllllyyyy dont want me to take a year off. BUt I guess we'll see what happens, see how my score goes. *sigh*
So yeahh wow i was talking about my day now talking about my future.. haha oh that reminds me, a friend of mine mateusz was telling me he thinks i'll get married next year.. yeah well NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!.. but it made me think, when will i actually get married. He then also said he thinks I'll at least be married by the time im 21.. okay YES i want to get married early.. but maybeeee not that early.. more like 23 or 24 when I'm actually out of uni.. hopefully landed a job by them!! HOPEFULLY!! lol
as I've been saying throughout this whole blog... I'll just see what happens lol.

So yeah continuing with how my day was yesterday, I had hockey last 2 periods of school and that was alright, got knocked over and grazed my knee, but not that bad and then I knocked over 2 chicks woops hahah :P oh well they were fine. So nothing special there, lost hockey :( Went home then I slept and went on facebook, had dinner, watched tv, went on fb, listened to music, yeah see, nothing special at all. boring old average day. *sigh*

Oh my, my tummy just grumbled lol.. i am hungryyyyyy for some foood, oh no's i just rememberd i forgot to pack my sliced peaches fruit tub :( noooo how saddening, they are really yummy as well. Oh I'm being healthy healthy today, for recess I have a pear lol, and lunch is salad with a little bit of chicken mmmm yummmehhhhhh hehhee :)

So yeah thats my day yesterday and a bit of insight on today.. oh about todayyy.. going to go opshopping with kathyyy geeeeeerrand :) woop and she's bringing jade wooooop :)
CANTT WAITTT HEHEHEHE :)

2 by 2

So recently I was looking and reflecting on Noah's ark story and how he sent the animals our 2 by 2 and then it made me think how we were made in this world for relationship. Our God is a relational God. And the whole 2 by 2 thing got to me and it was all too much. Every one in my life it seems has someone, another person a pair, a 'best friend' you could say.
Sometimes like I've got to be honest I wish I had that consistent one person who has been there forever.. you know you hear about friendships which have been around since they were like 5 and now they're still best friends and such. Then I realised and it clicked in my head, why should I be worrying and fearing and getting all like this, when I have been blessed by so many amazing friends whom I love very much, many, yet a small bunch of close friends who I can trust entirely with my life, which I feel blessed when I am around, and I am so thankful for that.

Anyways just my tiny little thought bubble from this tiny little girl here hehe :P

Oh for those who read this, I have a prayer point/request. So just about 30 minutes ago I was sitting with my grandama (mum's mum - who can't speak english therefore I can barely speak to her) and my mum and we were watching a dvd about chinese being Christian's and stuff. Anyways my grandma was saying how my uncle is so superstitious about Buddhism, because my family back in Singapore are all Buddhist :( My grandma has become more open as my mum has slowly talked to her and stuff where else some of my uncles and aunties back in Singapore are just crazy about Buddhism, so we were taking about it and it just saddened me and I began to tear but wiped it away before mum and my grandma could see. So yeah pray for my family in Singapore, specifically my grandma and my mums younger brother and sister who are both very superstitious about Buddhism.

Nights :)
- tabbs

Holy Spirited weekend!

Yeah I probably should blog more that's totally my bad lol. I like blogging just dont find enough time for it.. anyways. I don't really know what to talk about. I mean I feel like I should talk about my awesome and amazing weekend but that would take ages to explain, or maybe I should talk about my 3 hours of the day Ive spent lol.

maybe i'll brief you on the weekend.
so friday night - youth - amazing night, and im not being vein, because i spoke, but it was coz I love youth, it really is the highlight of my week, you know after a week full of about 7 sacs this was what i needed, Anyways I spoke today for the junior youth on how and why we can read the bible and pray, it went really well, or so people told me, but i really felt God speaking through me. I mean a lot of what I said on that night I had not specifically thought of or right about, a lot was instinct and what just came to me, and i really believe that, that was God :):) its so awesome the way he works.

So went home friday night and slept late haha, and woke up late getting a good 12 hours sleep :) so went to work saturday came home packed some stuff tidied my room went to sleep, nothing great or awesome there!

So sunday is the big day haha, so took my cousin out to vic market and the city and that was a whole lot of fun :):) and then went to youth, where we looked on the holy spirit and just prayed for the holy spirit to fill us, and it really did fill me, i felt so energised and on fire. praying for friends and myself it was just an amazin feeling i cannot explain how jumpy crazy and alive I felt in and through God!!!!

So went off home after church except then dad came and picked me up from home to go to a family friends house :):) fun fun, she's the ex kids pastor at ecc and shes just an amazing woman of God :):)

And now I get to today :) woke up and first thing i did, checked my phone NADAL won WOOP WOOP hehehehhee :)! and then after checking i pretty much went back and curled in my bed till dad came knocking in trying to wake me up.. lol == finally got out of bed and changed at lik 7:40 and left the house by 8am. Assembly at school, oh fun! lol nah it was okay lol. assemblies just go on for a while. Anyways Im not in english talking about some film called Persepolis and making mindmaps and etc.. i dont know, i should probably be listening but im too caught up in the way God has worked in my life this weekend, its amazing and awesome, and i have so so so so much energy for the week ahead, here comes a week full of getting ready for exams and getting ready for SYG!!!! WOOP WOOP!!

ciao :)
- tabbs

A letter to God

Dear God,
Today I am turning everything over to you. I am not going to hold on to anything anymore. Your word says that you will make me your masterpiece and use me to do great things...I don't see how that's possible but I want that with all that I am. So please do whatever it takes to make me what you want!
I love you God!

I think about the number of times i have a 'turning point' in life to do with my Christian walk, and I couldn't count them for you, but camp after camp after camp i come home feeling revived from God but soon fall short of my faith and begin living the way I used to, I don't think it takes a camp to change someone, well it may happen from or after a camp but I think it is due to conviction. God the Holy Spirit convicts you, changes your heart's tone and feelings, changes your thoughts, changes your view. It's an amazing feeling, but not the WOW BAM! amazing but simply the amazing feeling. It's hard to explain.

For me I know many times I feel like my life is 'changed' it 'renewed' but many and most of those times those 'times' dont last for more than a week, and I will never be perfect, there will be times I sin and disobey God, but you can only learn, you continue to rely on God who is picking you up from the dusty ground, dusting you off and preparing you for life's journey. Sometimes we just need a little faith...'as small as a mustard seed'


You know something else on my mind recently is God actually speaking to us, how does he and is it really God. I think that in situations we can mistaken our own wants and desires for Gods voice, our own desires effect the way we listen to God or hear him. A lot of the time people say God said this, God told me that, God gave me this love, God gave me this feelings, this peace, this grace, but often we can accidentally think of our own peace love and grace and use God's name. We have to be extremely cautious about the way we go about putting God's name to things. I know I have gone through cases where people tell me what God told them but it was absolutely wrong, but I don't have the guts to approach them to tel them they are wrong, it is something I have figured that people alone (with God) need to figure out and realise for themselves that, that certain voice may not actually be God. People get involved with things, do things, act on things, say things because they say God told them to, when God didn't want that in the first place.
Just a thought..

Anyways it's late, dream land for me now :)
nights :)
- tabbs

God's Boxes

I have in my hands 2 boxes which God gave me to hold.
He said "Put all your sorrows in the black box and all your joys in the gold."
I heeded his words, and in the 2 boxes, both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day the black was as light as before
With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why,
And I saw in the base of the box, a hole, which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God and mused, "I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said, "My child they're all here with me..."
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes, Why the gold and black with a hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, the black is for you to let go!"

This is such a lovely poem thingy :):)
It just warms my heart when I read it, to know that God puts himself with us so we can get rid of and blow away our sorrows, stresses and dangers of life. I'm beginning to learn when you give it all up to God he provides you with the answers, count your blessings because if you are reading this now you have GOT to be incredibly blessed. God creates us to be blessed by him and to bless others through him!! Go out and do that remember the blessings God continually blesses us with and forget the sorrows as they will only bring us down!